Quote of the Day

 

“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.”
-James Baldwin

No sleep for me.

Last night I dreamt that I cut off my own legs.

I’m sitting in a bathtub, naked (but the dream version of me naked where I’m 60% hotter and totally hair-free), cutting my own legs off with a knife. Just slicing and dicing. I don’t know exactly why, but I’m aware that I’m cutting my limbs off because I’m a prisoner and I’m being tortured and this is the only way I can save my life. 

I have a sneaking suspicion that this can be linked to my first Audition Season Panic Attack that I was blessed with this morning. 

Either that or I just need to stop watching movies like Rendition before bed. 

Thoughts?

Why I’m Voting For Barack Obama and Joe Biden

Because I’m a union member. Obama votes with unions, McCain doesn’t. Basta.

Because I pay out the butt for health insurance, only to have every claim denied due to my “pre-existing condition.” Health care is currently a business, and that needs to change.  

Because I’m a woman. I want to be paid equally. I want access to contraceptives and basic healthcare without scorn or judgement. I appreciate and laud Joe Biden’s important, direct involvement with the Violence Against Women Act, an Act which McCain opposed. I abhor Sarah Palin’s and John McCain’s anti-feminist, anti-woman viewpoint. Any candidate who puts “women’s health” in sarcastic quotation marks does not deserve to run a country. 

Because I barely live above the poverty line. I need to live. Thousands and thousands like me need to live, deserve to live. We deserve homes and health care and educations, and we will not have the opportunity for these things under another Republican government. The middle class must thrive in order for our country to succeed. I need a candidate who cares more about the people of this country than its businesses. 

Because I’m an artist (of sorts). McCain means less funding for the arts. Period. 

Because I am lucky enough to be well educated. I got to go to college. Hell, I got to go to graduate school. I grew up in a state with a stellar education system. I am extremely grateful for my knowledge; everyone who wants an education should have the opportunity to get one. 

Because I believe in religious freedom. Want to be an evangelical  Christian? Fine by me. Want to bring your beliefs into my life and my rights? Fuck you.

Because I care. I haven’t been a proud citizen in years. I’ve been living under an administration that goes against what I know to be true and what I know is right. Please, when you vote tomorrow, vote for change. Vote for the Obama/Biden ticket.

10 Best Movies to Watch on Halloween. You’re Welcome.

Hey, kids.

You know that I loves me some Halloween. You know that I loves me some lists. You also know that I loves me some horror movies. So I’m going to make a special Halloween top movie list thing! For your own extra awesome viewing pleasure during this most blessed of holiday seasons!!!!

Excited?

You should be, because I have awesome taste.

Ok. In no particular order. Ready….go!

1. Let’s get it over with: Halloween. It’s mandatory because of the name and it fitting with the whole “Halloween” theme, but I also watch this movie every year and have enjoyed it every time. Escaped lunatic murders babysitters on Halloween. Basta. Simplicity at its best. He doesn’t need a reason. Mike Myers (the character, not the Austin Powers dude) is seemingly indestructible, which I enjoy. Shoot him 500 times, still alive. Poke him through the eye with a wire hanger, still alive. Burn him, mutilate him, throw him off buildings for 8 or however many sequels…. still alive. I dig it. It also has that whole Christian right puritanical message that slasher flicks inexplicably possess. Don’t do drugs or have teh sexes or someone might slit your throat in the car post-coitus. Good message! So wholesome! See it.

2. Shaun of the Dead. This is not only one of my favorite horror flicks, it’s one of my favorite movies ever. Essentially zombies take over London and a pack of losers try to survive in a pub. It’s gory (nice), British (good for us anglophiles), legitimately hilarious (awesome), and full of glorious flesh eating zombies (double awesome). What’s not to like? If you’ve not seen it, you should, but be prepared to spend 15 bucks on the dvd the next day so that you can re-watch it… a lot. 

3. The Omen. Scary 3 year old is the Antichrist. Uh oh. You know, I’m not Catholic. In fact, I’m barely religious, but films about possession and the Antichrist (is that capitalized? I’m so torn…) and Satan and all that really creep me the hell out. I remember staying with a friend when my parents were out of town and watching this movie on TV. It was not awesome. I was horrified and didn’t sleep for days. I now can watch it nightmare-free, but I still get chills from the opening scene and have a real fear of Rottweilers. Also, make sure you see the original 1976 version, not the crappy remake with Julie Styles. Epic Fail.

4. 28 Days Later. Like a zombie movie, only the evil baddies have a virus that keeps them in a permanent state of rage. They still totally want to nom on your brain though. It’s the basic “small group of survivors vs. hundreds of murderous creatures” formula, but it’s done better than most. It’s truly scary, but the film is more heartbreaking than anything. Like all great zombie flicks, the problem is social. What’s already inside us, anger, hatred, mob mentality, will destroy us. Didn’t realize the undead were so deep, did you?

5. Slither. Alien slug things turn a small town into a variety of monsters. Ok, when I saw the trailer for Slither, I thought it looked fucking horrible, I won’t lie. Then about 30 people told me that I would love it with the fire of 1,000 suns. So I figured that I have a guilty pleasure for B movies and gore, plus Nathan Fillion  is in it and I always think he’s great and totally adorable, so it probably won’t be unbearable. And it wasn’t. It’s super fun to watch, kind of like going to a party only with aliens and gore and belly laughs and you’re actually just sitting in your pajamas at home. So it’s not really like a party at all, but I will promise you a good time when you see it.  

6. The Haunting. I couldn’t watch R-rated movies until I was in high school, so I’ve seen lots of the old black and white horror flicks, and this is the among best of them. A bunch of paranormal investigators go to a reportedly haunted house to investigate. Haunting ensues. It’s great because it’s made for about 5 dollars, and they don’t need no stinking special effects. The whole story is told with shadows, knocking, banging, and a couple of bendy doors, and it’s about 4 million times more unsettling than any CGI mess they can dream up. Plus the dude that plays Riff in the West Side Story movie is in it so you can sing “When you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way…” when you’re feeling scared. This is another you need to remember to get the original of. The remake with Catherine Zeta Jones and Luke Wilson? EPIC FAIL.

7. The Thing. Shape-shifting alien attacks a research base in Antarctica and mauls just about everybody, and since it can appear as anyone, including animals, it’s impossible to know if you’re safe. I love this movie. As the humans are gradually taken over by the Thing, the paranoia grows, turning everyone against each other. It’s intense. Even though it was made in 1982, the effects are fantastic even by today’s standards; it must have blown people’s minds when I was in the womb. More proof that CGI sucks balls. Big, hairy, pendulous, computer-generated balls. Oh! Also, you can watch this for FREE on hulu! Here’s THE LINK.

8. Nightmare on Elm Street. Don’t go to sleep, because some old dead child murderer might come into your dreams and cut you into little tiny pieces with his knife hands. This movie is so 80’s-tastic. Johnny Depp wears cut off football jerseys and the hair is all over the place and it’s fantastic. The idea is so goddamned perfect. You’re never more vulnerable that when you’re sleeping, and despite the very high cheese factor, I get a little jumpy if I catch this on TV at night.  Freddy is the most charismatic, likeable villain ever. If he wasn’t a child murderer I’d for totes be friends with him. That dude’s hilarious, plus he could cut your steak for you at a restaurant one-handed. Not bad. 

9. Psycho and Vertigo. I was trying to decide which Hitchcock movie to include, but I love them both, so I’m grouping them together. If you don’t know what Psycho is about, you should have your citizenship revoked, and you should stop reading this blog right now and go rent it because it’s a goddamned classic. Now go, and don’t tell anyone you haven’t seen it. Also, is it weird that I find the actor who plays Norman Bates really, really hot? Vertigo is less scary, I will admit, but I think it’s a better movie on the whole.  Jimmy Stewart is an investigator who is afraid of heights who becomes obsessed with his friend’s wife. Falling in love, falling from dizzying heights, falling into this intense relationship and all the fear it brings. It’s fantastic. Plus, Jimmy Stewart does not suck at acting. At all. Oh, and forget about the Psycho remake with Vince Vaughn and Anne Heche. You will want to kill them by the end of it. 

10. Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2. Yes, both of them. Release the demons, bitches. These movies are made for like, 10 bucks a pop, and they are so fucking great and hilarious and original. The kind of effects and camera tricks Sam Raimi uses are like nothing you’ve ever seen. It’s crazy. There are zombies and demons and trees that rape you all over the damned place, plus the main character turns his severed arm stump into a chainsaw hand in the second one. There is no way you can not like these movies, and if you don’t like them, we should discontinue our friendship because you suck. 

Enjoy! Happy Halloween! May you gorge yourself on candy corn and drink yourself into a zombie-like stupor.

The Awesome List: Fall Edition.

1. Sweaters. Holy shit, I love sweaters. My favorite kind: Mutha-Fuckin’-CARDIGANS. This either makes me a hipster, a nerd, a shrewish church lady, or a kindergarten teacher. My dear roommate J (the girl one) makes nonstop fun of me for my love of the button-up glories, but I don’t care. Throw on a cardigan! You can take it off and be instantly cooler (in temperature, anyway – you always look more awesome in a cardigan)! It’s so versatile! Buttoned? Unbuttoned? That’s like, 2 ways to wear it!!!! Cardigans, kids. I just got this cheap-o one at Target Boutique.

2. Angel.  You know, I mentioned Joss Whedon in my last blog, but seriously. Seriously. SERIOUSLY. I am kicking myself in the ass for watching Buffy and ignoring Angel, because I dig it so much more. Everyone is gorgeous and tortured and flawed. It’s addictive. Netflix that shit. Better yet, you can watch the first season on Hulu, get addicted, and then Netflix the rest, which is what I did. Get excited. 

3. Opera. So I know that was a given, but I really dig singing lately. I’m getting pumped to sing for auditions this year. I’m pumped to rock it out (hopefully?) in Dayton. I feel a smidgen better about how I’m sounding. I think I’m (finally) fached correctly (for now?). So yay. I mean, this could change if I start sucking or get emo, but TODAY I like opera a whole bunch. Bunches and bunches and I can’t friggin’ wait to  do it again. 

4. Long hair. I have long hair now. It’s all dead on the ends and stuff, but it looks awfully pretty and I like to play with it and look like a girl and whatnot. I mostly like wearing it in a ponytail when I go jogging because it bounces all over the place and is adorable. Is that so wrong? I’m vain. 

5. Aveeno Stress Relief Body Wash/Lotion. I stopped using this for a while, and it was so awful. I thought “Hm. I should try some Body Shop bullshiz” and then I couldn’t stop using it because it would be a waste of 17 bucks or however much I paid for that overpriced mess. But I finally used it all up and am back with the good stuff… and OMG, y’all. It’s so awesome. It smells so good. Holy crap.

6. Dark nail polish. I have short nails. They don’t really, um, “grow.” But when I paint my nails black or dark purple or gray  or something it looks like it’s on purpose, and I like that. I like that very much, because, as I said before, I’m vain. Plus it makes me feel hip and dark, a hard task when you’re a goddamned ball of sunshine. My current shade is black with a hint of red.  Mmmhmm.

7. Quilts. The very best thing about fall is cuddling under some quilts. I am biased to quilts because my mom makes ‘em for a living, but if you haven’t experienced the joy of a flannel-backed quilt, you are missing out, my friend. It is the BEST. Actually, snuggling under a quilt watching Angel while eating macaroni and cheese is the BEST. And now that I mentioned that…

See ya.

Oh, balls.

Hi.

I just left this little blog o’ mine out in the cold like the little match girl. My bad, dudes. Sorry. 

But you know what? I kind of feel like blogging again. The election is around the corner, so I definitely need to step on my soapbox about that… plus I’ve lost my sense of humor lately, and there’s no cure for that like trying to make daily events sound hilarious. 

Here’s a little update to tide you over, though. 

Hey, Artsy! Are you still working at the most awesome office job in all the land!?!?!?!

Why yes, yes I am.

Obviously you understand that “awesome” is short for “AwfulWeirdEndlessSoullessMasochisticEvil.” 

So that bullshiz takes up most of my time. 

Thanks to my super sweet below-the-poverty-line wage, I can’t afford to do much, but I am making it work. Netflix and making messes in the kitchen pretty much = the extent of my social life. My dear friend D brings over bags of groceries and I act as his sous chef, which totally works because my enthusiasm far outweighs my talent in that arena. We make a lot of risotto and drink a lot of wine. Not too bad. 

I’m watching all things Joss Whedon right now because I have an obsessive personality. But seriously, that dude is the shit. I’m Netflixing Angel on dvd right now and I can’t help but sit in a pile for 3 hour blocks, just having my mind blown. I was sick for 2 days last week, and I totally pwned Firefly on dvd. The awesomeness of the writing and the complete adorableness of Nathan Fillion almost made the whole “not being able to eat solid food” thing worth it. 

There will be an upcoming political blog for all of you who enjoy my ranting, but I can’t just write an update without saying *something*. So, to keep it short:

FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY, IF YOU GIVE A HOOT ABOUT ANYTHING, DON’T VOTE McCAIN/PALIN. 

I’m not trying to front and say that I agree with all of Obama’s policies. I don’t. 

HOWEVER. 

America obviously = in the shitter right now. I have no confidence in McCain. I have even less confidence in his anti-woman, anti-intellectual, anti-basically everything I hold dear running mate. 

I mean, I’d rather you vote for McCain that NOT vote, but you think about it, kids. 

Anyway. 

Hey, you know what happens soon?

Audition season. Holy hell. That’s right. Another 3 week block of going broke and singing and wandering around New York and seeing 5 million friends and going to the Met and 4 inch thick pastrami sandwiches and cold showers and sleeping on couches and dirty fingernails and hours spent at Alice’s Teacup and reunion hugs and such.

Hopefully something will pan out. All my apps except three are SENT, some of them under the wire because I am apparently a lazy pile with no motivation. 

However, I will say to all my lovely, lovely, friends who I only see a few times a year:

I LOVE YOU AND I CAN’T WAIT TO HOLD YOU IN MY WARM EMBRACE AND WHISPER SWEET NOTHINGS IN YOUR EAR!!!!!!!!!!!

More later, kids.

One word answered.

Stolen from The Airstream Diva and Super Greek, here’s a survey where you’re only allowed one word answers. I’m predicting that this will be difficult. When’s the last time I had one word to say about ANYTHING?

1. Where is your cell phone? Rug.
2. Your significant other? Imaginary. 
3. Your hair? Pretty.
4. Your mother? Hero.
5. Your father? Awkward.
6. Your favorite time of day? Morning.
7. Your dream last night? Forgotten.
8. Your favorite drink? OJ.
9. Your dream goal? Fulfillment 
10. The room you’re in? Cluttered. 
11. Your ex? Opposite. 
12. Your fear? Failure. 
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Secure.  
14. What you are not? Secure. (Ha!)
15. Your Favorite meal? Chinese. 
16. One of your wish list items? Money. 
17. The last thing you did? Breathed. 
18. Where you grew up? Lame. 
19. What are you wearing? Layered. 
20. Your TV is? Tiny.
21. Your pets? Mom’s.
22. Your computer? Necessary. 
23. Your life? Undecided. 
24. Your mood? Quiet.
25. Missing someone? Always. 
26. Your car? Functional.
27. Something you’re not wearing? Shoes. 
28. Favorite store? Unaffordable.
29. Your summer? Difficult. 
30. Your favorite colour? Green. 
31. When is the last time you laughed? Lately. 
32. When is the last time you cried? Soon.
33. Your health? Mediocre.
34. Your children? Imaginary. 
35. Your future? Maybes. 
36. Your beliefs? Evolving.
37. Young or old? Young?
38. Your image? Eccentric. 
39. Your appearance? Average. 
40. Would you live your life over again knowing what you know? Probably. 

That was hard. All my answers are probably foggy and confusing. 

It’s worth a shot, though. Try it, bitches.

Happy 4th!

Hope everyone has a lovely 4th of July. I bitch and moan about our government and mercilessly mock its leaders, but I wouldn’t live anywhere else, even with George W. Bush in office.

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, & Tits.

I’m bummed as hell about George Carlin’s passing. He was a badass and smarter than anyone I can think of.

Here he is being 100% right and 100% hilarious. Thanks for bringing your dirty wisdom to the masses, dude.

 

 

 

 

 

Have I let you down?

I am a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad blogger. Sorry, dudes. I’ve been doing a lot of my own personal journaling, and have been ignoring my super fun blog as a result. Sorry. Don’t hate me.

Well, here’s the update:

I moved. Oh, sweet moving, you enrich my life. I now live in an actual HOUSE with no shared walls except with roommates, who I already know and love. My roomies actually aren’t here, however… one is at home spending the summer with her husband and the other is singing on the east coast, so it’s just me, my small amount of stuff, and lots of empty rooms. It’s really bizarre… like I’m not really living here yet, but I’m so happy about not being in that god-awful mess of an apartment that I don’t care. The house is old, with lots of molding and hardwood floors and checkerboard tile in the bathroom. I love it with the fire of 1,000 suns. Too bad I’m only gonna be here 7 months, and that’s because…

I’m leaving for a YAP in January! OMG, thank the Lord. I’m very happy, and very excited. 1 out of 20 (give or take) ain’t bad, kids. It’s a company I’m really excited about, who were actually considerate and respectful during the audition process (!!!), and about whom I’ve heard lovely things. It feels good, and I’m excited about the prospect of leaving KC permanently, though we’ll obviously have to see how the summer/2009-10 YAP auditions shake out. So yay! I’m amazing.

I’ve been doing a lot of self-examination lately, which is what the intense journaling is all about. I’m a couple of weeks shy of my 25th birthday, and though I don’t feel old or weird or that 25 is some magical milestone, it does make me want to sort things out with myself. I just want to be steady, to be more able to take things that come my way. It’s like my brain is a cluttered attic, and I just want to clean everything up and put them in labeled rubbermaid containers. Or if that’s too much to hope for, them maybe like… laundry baskets or open cardboard boxes. With no labels. It’s kind of hard, but it will be so good, ultimately. I want my life to be, well, beautiful. I want that so, so badly. I want it to be full of meaning and joy and feeling and passion and peace… and I want that experience ASAP. So now’s the time. I’m reading a lot about the Buddhist practice of mindfulness, the awareness of everything… your feelings, your pain, your motivations. It speaks to me so deeply. I started reading about it, and it wasn’t even something that I knew I wanted… and then I discovered that I really, REALLY, wanted it… needed it.

Anyway. It’s pretty rad, is what I’m trying to tell you.

That’s kind of it. Still working at the old death job, working my ass off on the uber-difficult Semele, which goes up at the end of July, still living the high life below the poverty line…

You know what I mean.

Hugs and kisses, friends. I’m planning on making one of my famous “I love this right now” lists. Get excited!