You’ll love this. I swear to you.

Giiiiiiirl, let me let you in on a secret:

Savage Love. Yep, it’s over there in my links bar, but I’m going to plug it again, because I my love is renewed for it. 

Dan Savage is the shit. He is a theater loving, crazy hysterical, potty-mouthed, ridiculously intelligent, gay father who writes a nationally syndicated sex column and also a million wonderful books about the stupid christian right and getting gay married and adopting a child with his partner and lots of other awesome things. 

But what is even better is that he has a podcast. That’s right. A call-in podcast. With lots of cursing and kinky sex. It’s awesome, and I’m addicted to it. Everyone who has ever lived  with me knows that every Wednesday I like to listen to it over breakfast/lunch. 

Basically I want you guys to get addicted to it as well. 

Here’s the link. Listen to it over breakfast or with someone you love. Then we can talk all about those perverted (or totally normal) freaks. 

(Shout out to Shar-Shar Binks. I know you read this, and while I’m listening to the podcast I wish we were sitting on your bed munching sundried tomato Wheat Thins at the same time.)

 

Pure joy

Last night, after waking up at three in the morning in an awkward position on the futon with the dvd menu for It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia repeating and repeating, I finally went to bed. 

It was storming. But like, psychotically storming. 

The walls were shaking and the room was all lit up and I was all curled up under a billion quilts with my cool little baby blankies tucked under my chin. 

It was great. 

It happens

Sometimes you’re sitting at home cleaning instead of going to a party with all your friends and after a big bowl of pasta you switch on the TV and after flipping through a million channels you end up actually watching and enjoying The Wedding Planner but since you’re a big intellectual snob you try to tell yourself you’re just watching it so that you can make fun of it with your friends later but when Matthew McConaughey rescues J Lo from a dumpster and swoops her up in his arms your heart totally skips a beat and you start to question your purpose in life because now J Lo makes you teary and you might as well just give up and start reading Danielle Steele and watching The Bachelor and doing the Atkins Diet and listening to Josh Groban and wearing sweatpants with “Diva” embroidered on the ass. 

It happens. 

Thoughts I have in an elevator

So I had to go to the doctor today, and my doctor is at the hospital. Let me tell you, the hospital is full of grossness.  Here are some things I thought in the various elevators I was forced to share rides in. 

“I really feel like 65 is too old to be wearing a matching thug sweatsuit complete with jesus chains and a grill.”

“Stop staring at me stop staring at me stop staring at me stop staring at me…”

“Holy hell, that girl has more freckles than actual skin.”

“It smells like beef in here. Do I smell like beef?”

“Oh please, lady. Please don’t throw up. Oh God, oh God, oh God. If you throw up I will throw up. In your mouth. In this 4×4, stuffy, slow, un-air conditioned space. That’s right, you sip your 7-Up.”

“Don’t get on… don’t get on… don’t get on… don’t get on… fuck.”

 

KARATE CHOP!

Hi there, friends and lovers. 

You know what? All of a sudden I am super duper motivated. WTF? I kind of love it. 

I’m all like, exercising and practicing and looking for a new job and moving in to a better place and learning roles and stuff. Cool. 

I really hope it lasts. 

 

O sleep, why dost thou leave me?

The most honest comic ever. 

 

toothpastefordinner.com 

More youtube for your pleasure

I obviously have no life.

This just gave me a brain aneurysm

Here’s a “Wife Rating Scale” from 1939, courtesy of SuperGreek.

I wear red nail polish at LEAST one week out of every month.

In total my score was -17. Whoops!

Looks like I’ll be a horrible wife. If I can get anyone to marry my Jezebel ass, that is.

Open Letters: “I’m a Person, Too!” Edition

Dear soul-deadening office job,

FUCK YOU.

Love,

Artsy

Men.

I just laughed for like 10 minutes. P.S. When did SNL get funny again?

(Balls. I couldn’t get the video to work.)

Go HERE