Have I let you down?

I am a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad blogger. Sorry, dudes. I’ve been doing a lot of my own personal journaling, and have been ignoring my super fun blog as a result. Sorry. Don’t hate me.

Well, here’s the update:

I moved. Oh, sweet moving, you enrich my life. I now live in an actual HOUSE with no shared walls except with roommates, who I already know and love. My roomies actually aren’t here, however… one is at home spending the summer with her husband and the other is singing on the east coast, so it’s just me, my small amount of stuff, and lots of empty rooms. It’s really bizarre… like I’m not really living here yet, but I’m so happy about not being in that god-awful mess of an apartment that I don’t care. The house is old, with lots of molding and hardwood floors and checkerboard tile in the bathroom. I love it with the fire of 1,000 suns. Too bad I’m only gonna be here 7 months, and that’s because…

I’m leaving for a YAP in January! OMG, thank the Lord. I’m very happy, and very excited. 1 out of 20 (give or take) ain’t bad, kids. It’s a company I’m really excited about, who were actually considerate and respectful during the audition process (!!!), and about whom I’ve heard lovely things. It feels good, and I’m excited about the prospect of leaving KC permanently, though we’ll obviously have to see how the summer/2009-10 YAP auditions shake out. So yay! I’m amazing.

I’ve been doing a lot of self-examination lately, which is what the intense journaling is all about. I’m a couple of weeks shy of my 25th birthday, and though I don’t feel old or weird or that 25 is some magical milestone, it does make me want to sort things out with myself. I just want to be steady, to be more able to take things that come my way. It’s like my brain is a cluttered attic, and I just want to clean everything up and put them in labeled rubbermaid containers. Or if that’s too much to hope for, them maybe like… laundry baskets or open cardboard boxes. With no labels. It’s kind of hard, but it will be so good, ultimately. I want my life to be, well, beautiful. I want that so, so badly. I want it to be full of meaning and joy and feeling and passion and peace… and I want that experience ASAP. So now’s the time. I’m reading a lot about the Buddhist practice of mindfulness, the awareness of everything… your feelings, your pain, your motivations. It speaks to me so deeply. I started reading about it, and it wasn’t even something that I knew I wanted… and then I discovered that I really, REALLY, wanted it… needed it.

Anyway. It’s pretty rad, is what I’m trying to tell you.

That’s kind of it. Still working at the old death job, working my ass off on the uber-difficult Semele, which goes up at the end of July, still living the high life below the poverty line…

You know what I mean.

Hugs and kisses, friends. I’m planning on making one of my famous “I love this right now” lists. Get excited!