No sleep for me.

Last night I dreamt that I cut off my own legs.

I’m sitting in a bathtub, naked (but the dream version of me naked where I’m 60% hotter and totally hair-free), cutting my own legs off with a knife. Just slicing and dicing. I don’t know exactly why, but I’m aware that I’m cutting my limbs off because I’m a prisoner and I’m being tortured and this is the only way I can save my life. 

I have a sneaking suspicion that this can be linked to my first Audition Season Panic Attack that I was blessed with this morning. 

Either that or I just need to stop watching movies like Rendition before bed. 

Thoughts?

Overheard in the next cubicle.

Stupid girl who I am clearly superior to #1: If I get pregnant, do you want to adopt my baby?

Stupid girl who I am clearly superior to #2: Oh my God, totally!

The most awesome thing ever

So yesterday I was forced to meet a friend at Starbucks to consume some overpriced and burnt coffee.

So I get my tall in a grande cup and I’m all set to pay my $2.50 or whatever.

The gaysian behind the counter just stares at me as I hand him my five.

Like STARES at me.Then he leans forward, and, whispering conspiratorially, we have this conversation:

Gaysian: (nearly inaudible) Oh. My. God. Are you Ricki Lake?
Me: What?
Gaysian: (confidently) You are! You are Ricki Lake! Oh my God, you’re Ricki Lake!Me: No, I’m not. I’m, uh, I’m not Ricki Lake.Gaysian: (cocks his head to the side, as if to say “it’s our little secret, I know you”)
Me: Seriously, I’m not. Sorry.
Gaysian: Oh. Oh. Well you look like her.
Me: Oh. Um, ok.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand scene.

I didn’t say thank you because I didn’t know if he thought Ricki Lake was still fat-style a la Hairspray, chubby-style a la The Ricki Lake show, or hot bod-style a la now.

Also, isn’t she like, 40? Because I’m 24 and look 16. I don’t really think I look like her, but…Should I be flattered?

A brief thought

Two blogs in one day! Can you staaaaaand it?

I just had a thought.

I’m watching “Make Me a Supermodel” (or similar title – don’t remember).

I like these dumb model shows, but I was thinking…

You know what would be a much better show?

If they had a show about making me a supermodel.

Yes.

Me.

5′2″, slightly zaftig, giant boobied, prominent nose-having, super clumsy, non makeup-wearing, chipped fingernail polish ME.

Now, you guys would watch that shit, right?!?!

Thank you.